The Schmear Chronicles

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Fran Lebowitz: The Jew Crush

Goldie Hawn: The Jew Crush

Luck Of The Jewish

On March 17th the city becomes a leprechaun's playground — as well as a New Yorker's worst nightmare.

Bars open at dawn, the streets get flooded with bridge and tunnelers in top hats and the beer flows a disturbing green. It's as if the "Lucky Charms" mascot hijacks the city for 24 hours every spring. 

But as us non-participants hide perched in a tree, chewing on our hair frantically wishing for it to stop, we can't help but notice a few parallels between St. Patty's and themes that run through a lot of Jewish holidays.

Joan Rivers’ Seder Plate And More

The legendary Joan Rivers had a lot on her plate. And in a way she still does.

Specifically, the late comedian’s Seder plate is up for auction and its estimated value is $5,000. Alone, the plate is worth about 100 bucks, according to Jonathan Greenstein, owner and operator of J. Greenstein and Company — reputed to be the only auction house in the United States solely dedicated to appraising and selling antique Judaica, according to the New York Times.

Billy Crystal: The Jew Crush

Ben Schwartz: The Jew Crush

Andy Cohen: The Jew Crush

Discovering Christopher Columbus

Christopher Columbus devoted his life to uncovering the unknown — so it’s a surprise to learn he may have lived his days concealing his identity.

Jake Gyllenhaal: The Jew Crush

Every time we remember Jake Gyllenhaal exists it feels like Valentine’s Day. And we really can’t make sense of how it’s taken us this long to make his beautiful face into a Jew crush. As we don’t want to waste any more time we’re just going to get straight into it.

Seven reasons we have a Jew crush on Jake Gyllenhaal:

10 Snowmmandments

In honor of the blizzard that has New Yorkers in a frenzy, we have created a list of ten weather-related commandments to help guide you through today's winter storm.

1. Thou shalt have no other shoes before boots.

2. Thou shalt not make fewer than 30 cups of hot chocolate.

3. Thou shalt not take the subway or ride thy bike in vain.

4. Remember thy local weather advisory, to keep it holy. 

5. Honor thy neighbhorhod's delivery distance limits.

6. Thou shalt layer with fury should thou be compelled to venture outdoors.

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